One Thing Great Leaders Do

Every great leader recognizes when things need to change and takes action, but most observers don’t see the most difficult decisions that successful leaders make. Those decisions are when they need to transform themselves.  Unlike butterflies, leaders don't transform naturally.  It is a deliberate choice that requires self-awareness and vision.

Steve Jobs transformed from a brilliant techie to an inspirational leader of a company that became one of the most valuable in the world.  Mary Barra started her career at General Motors as a co-op student and is now the company’s CEO working on a critical culture change.  Howard Schultz started his career as a salesperson for Xerox and became the leader that transformed Starbucks from a store that sold coffee beans into the omnipresent cafe chain that we know today. Like butterflies, these people transformed themselves many times along the way.

Each of them had many jobs and faced many situations that came with new demands requiring that they continually develop their skills. As each of them were presented with obstacles throughout their careers, these leaders had to think of themselves in new ways and behave differently to be successful. 

As I look back on my career, I realize that I had some early successes and those successes went to my head and arrested my development.  I thought that I knew what I was doing and found myself saying things like, All of the things that worked for me in X company, are not working here.”  Duh!  I was in a different situation and should have known that what worked for me as a first line manager wouldn’t work for me as a director.

Recently, a day of closet cleaning made me realize how hard it is to let go of personal things.  It is even harder to let go of familiar aspects of ourselves that we have grown accustomed to.  Unless we can open ourselves up to letting go of some aspects of ourselves, we will not be able to move into new roles and be the leaders that we want to be.

QUESTION: How do you recognize when you need to change?======================================================================

Leadership/Career Coach Kris Ishibashi works with leaders to bring together their skills, their authentic selves, and their intentions to inspire their organizations to superior performance. Click here to set up a complimentary consultation.

One Second Can Improve Your Self Control Under Stress

As leaders, we’re in front of people all the time. People are looking at us to set an example, to show direction and maybe for signs of weakness.  So being able to control our behavior is super important.  Most of us prepare ourselves for meetings that we expect to be stressful. Unfortunately stressful moments sometimes catch us by surprise and we don’t react as well as we might like. 

I remember once I was in a meeting where a few people hadn’t done what they’d committed to. To my surprise, they attacked me for having unreasonable expectations.  Meanwhile, my boss had given the CEO a tight deadline for the project. I was under fire and I said some unfortunate things.

After the meeting, a wise person asked me why I became so defensive and angry.  I replied that I was under attack and I had to defend myself.  He told me that I need to separate myself from my emotions and thoughts.  I didn’t understand what he was saying.  He continued, “Your emotions and thoughts are just that, your emotions and your thoughts.  They are not reality.  Your mistake is to confuse your emotions and thoughts with reality.”  It took me several years of practicing yoga and meditation to understand what he had said.

Now when I feel myself feeling attacked or stressed in a way that may lead me to lose control of myself, I stand back from the situation and imagine myself as the director of a movie that I’m in.  I recognize that I am a character in this drama who is feeling X and thinking Y.  Then I ask myself as the director of the character in this scene how I want my character to behave, and then I choose how to react.  Now it sounds like a lot of thinking, but this process only takes about a second.

Taking that one extra second is well worth it.  It has has saved me from acting out in regrettable ways more times than I can count.  It has even worked in situations where my inclination was to withdraw and clam up. 

Gaining the level of self-awareness was hard for me.  I found that meditating for even five minutes a day was beneficial.  It’s a great opportunity to check in with myself and notice what my thoughts and feelings are.  It has greatly improved my self control.  After all how can you control yourself, if you have no awareness of where you are?

QUESTION: How do you keep yourself from acting out when unexpectedly stressed?

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Leadership/Career Coach Kris Ishibashi works with leaders to bring together their skills, their authentic selves, and their intentions to inspire their organizations to superior performance. Click here to set up a complimentary consultation.

The 5 Best Resources on EQ - The Key to Great Leadership

EQ or emotional intelligence (aka people skills) is more important than IQ in determining leadership success. Sound far fetched that people skills are more important than intelligence as a leadership differentiator?

What does a leader do at a high level? Sets a course of action and leads an organization to follow to make that vision a reality.  Yes, it does take intelligence to analyze and decide on a course of action, but inducing an organization to follow takes people skills. The leader has to motivate, guide, and inspire people. If a leader has the most brilliant solution in the world but can't get anyone to follow, he/she has failed.  In order to move others, a leader needs to understand people.  And people are driven by emotions.

So what is emotional intelligence?  Psychologist Daniel Goleman breaks it into five capabilities:

Daniel Goleman argues that intelligence (IQ) and technical skills are threshold capabilities.  That is to say that they are required to be in the race for leadership, but that EQ is the differentiator.

In their book, “Why CEOs Fail: The 11 Behaviors That Can Derail Your Climb To The Top And How To Manage Them, “ David Dotlich, and Peter Cairo describe the most common characteristics of derailed top executives.  Some of them are listed below:

• Arrogance
• Melodrama
• Volatility
• Habitual Distrust
• Aloofness

All of these attributes suggest a lack of emotional intelligence.

The really good news about emotional intelligence is that unlike IQ, emotional intelligence can be developed. All of us have the capability to increase our level of emotional intelligence.   A great way to get started is to check out the five resources below:

What’s Your EQ? A quiz to help you quickly assess your level of emotional intelligence from about.com Psychology http://psychology.about.com/library/quiz/bl_eq_quiz.htm

Are You Emotionally Intelligent?  Here’s How to Know for Sure by Travis Bradberry. If you do not want to do a quiz, reading this article can give you a sense of whether you might have a high level of emotional intelligence.  The list provided can help improve your skills,  an idea as to where we might get started.  http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/242881   He has also written a book: Emotional Intelligence 2.0 that give practical strategies for improving four of the five competencies.

The Use of Emotional Intelligence for Effective Leadership by Brent Gleeson, a former Navy SEAL and entrepreneur talks about how emotional intelligence is important, giving examples from his experience.  http://www.forbes.com/sites/brentgleeson/2014/12/29/the-use-of-emotional-intelligence-for-effective-leadership/

Are You Emotionally Intelligent? A video from Dnews www.youtube.com/watch?v=dmz9Yb9dWck a video explaining the five capabilities listed above.

What Makes a Great Leader? by Daniel Goleman hbr.org/2004/01/what-makes-a-leader which explores emotional intelligence and leadership.

QUESTION: What are your favorite EQ resources?======================================================================

Leadership/Career Coach Kris Ishibashi works with leaders to bring together their skills, their authentic selves, and their intentions to inspire their organizations to superior performance. Click here to set up a complimentary consultation.

3 Steps to Make Diversity Work for You

Those of us who work for large corporations are aware that diversity is something that we’re expected to foster.  It is a topic of training and a stream of reports that provide statistics about how we’re doing in terms of our employees and contractors/suppliers.

There is endless research telling us about the benefits of a diverse workplace.  In addition to being a goal that makes companies feel like they are making a contribution to social justice, having people of diverse backgrounds brings us better connections to our customers and improves decision-making by making us less susceptible to groupthink. Leaders seek diverse teams in terms of talents because we need people with different skills and strengths to improve our capabilities.

Nonetheless for many of us, meeting diversity targets can devolve into an annoying statistical exercise.  I was recently talking to an international group of MBA students at a local university, who had experience in American companies.  Some of them remarked that we strive for diverse numbers but don’t take advantage of that diversity when we get it.  We continue to run things the way we always have, expecting them to change to fit in.

Instead, they suggested that as leaders we need to engage with the diverse populations we’re bringing in to the company and allow them to change us. It means that we need to let go of our preconceived notions about how things work, just as we need to be about new technology.

How can you do this?  It all starts with personal connection.

1. Engage every member of your team in conversation to develop personal relationship.  You should know who they are, what their family looks like, what their career aspirations are and how they feel they can best contribute to the team.
2. Once you have a relationship you can ask them (individually and/or collectively depending on the personal and group dynamics)for advice on how you and the team can do things better, and how team members can be better engaged.  You need to have a real discussion about this so that you understand where they’re coming from.
3. Remember you can’t ask for advice and get anything meaningful back if you routinely ignore it.  When you make changes, you need to acknowledge that the suggestion came from your team, acknowledging the person who made the suggestion, if appropriate.

Diversity can make your team much more effective, but only if you really engage with everyone and open your mind to the possibilities of change.

QUESTION: What advice do you have for engaging with every member of your team?

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Leadership/Career Coach Kris Ishibashi works with leaders to bring together their skills, their authentic selves, and their intentions to inspire their organizations to superior performance. Click here to set up a complimentary consultation.

Getting Through to Difficult People

We have all been there. We have decided on a solid course of action. We gather the facts and put together a tight, logical, and forceful argument that we are sure is convincing. We deliver it well, only to be met with a wall of resistance from a key person. We are trapped by that person’s resistance, apathy, hostility, neediness and/or fear. We think that there is nothing we can do about it and it leaves us feeling frustrated and angry.

This happened to me more often than I would like to admit. It made me think unkind thoughts about my colleagues, and sometimes question my own competence. I thought that it was a flaw in my presentation or logic, until one day I heard someone talking about hostage negotiations.

He said that the cycle of persuasion works as follows:

1. Resistance moves to to Listening 
2. Listening moves to Considering
3. Considering moves to Willing to act
4. Willing to act moves to Doing

The hostage negotiator starts at step one because the negotiator needs to give the hostage taker a reason to start talking.  Only after the negotiator makes the hostage taker feel heard,  is that hostage taker willing to listen and they work on step two.

My mistake when I met with resistance was starting at step two, where I assumed that the person resisting me was actually listening.  I should have started at step one.

So as leaders, our first step, when encountering resistance is to get people to listen to us. By using the right strategies, they will be willing to listen, and then you can move them through the cycle. 

How do you get someone to listen?  You must first start by listening to them.

• Approach them privately with curiosity and invite them to share what’s on their mind in a non-threatening way.  
• Keep you body language open - no crossed arms or legs.
• Whatever they say, acknowledge and validate their feelings, even if you don’t agree with them. If you don’t agree with them you can say something like, “It’s understandable that ___ would make you feel that way.”
• Encourage them to talk by nodding and asking them to “Tell me more.”
• Ask open ended questions - that is questions that can’t be answered with yes or no, and start with how or why?

Making people feel heard is a powerful way to open up lines of connection and communication.  You may find that you may need to make adjustments to your plan, but isn’t arriving at a course of action that the whole team can get behind what it’s all about?

QUESTION: How do you open lines of communication when someone is resisting you?

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Leadership/Career Coach Kris Ishibashi works with leaders to bring together their skills, their authentic selves, and their intentions to inspire their organizations to superior performance. Click here to set up a complimentary consultation.

5 Steps to Improving a Critical Leadership Skill

Great leaders influence people to act to further an organization’s objectives.  In order to convince people to follow them, leaders need to communicate, reaching people where they are (as opposed to where the leader wants them to be).  Reaching people where they are requires knowledge.

How do you obtain this information?  Conversation and listening.  Great leaders know how to listen. Not only do they listen, but people interacting with them you know that they are listening. When a leader makes someone feel heard, they are more willing to go along, even if they don’t completely agree.

How can you listen like a great leader? Here are five steps:

1)   Be open to the idea that you do not have all the answers and that the people you are talking to have information that you need. Think of them as valued partners who like you want for the organization to be successful, although you may have different ideas as to how to get there.

2)   Because you are talking to people with valuable information, give them your undivided attention (no interruptions or multi-tasking). Remember that your body language is important.

3)   When you are listening, you want to hear what they have to say, so resist the temptation to make them wrong. Don’t argue, interrupt or press your point of view.

4)   Acknowledge and repeat back – by making sure that you understood what the person said, you are communicating that it is important to you to understand what the person was saying.

5)   Ask open ended questions - such as, “What makes you feel that way?” or “How would that work?” or “Tell me more.” In doing so you will get a greater understanding of the person’s perspective, what led them to have that perspective, and possibly ideas as to how to work through areas where you do not agree.

You will find that deeper listening will provide you with a treasure trove of information that will benefit you and your company, and you will find that you may even develop better business relationships because of it.  Who knows, they might have ideas that may help you to refine yours and make them better.

QUESTION: How do you make sure that others know that you are really listening?

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Leadership/Career Coach Kris Ishibashi works with leaders to bring together their skills, their authentic selves, and their intentions to inspire their organizations to superior performance. Click here to set up a complimentary consultation.

2 Reasons Conversation Skills Are a Must for Great Leaders

I was always a very direct and to the point.  As a young person, I thought that small talk was for small people with no ambition.  I was going into business - where facts and figures are important.  I had a great memory for these things and thought I could build a logical case to support what I wanted, so who needed small talk?  

1. When I was about to launch into the market with my MBA, a career counselor told me that small talk is what allows you to make a personal connection your interviewer so that you can do business. My first interview was two days before Thanksgiving.  My interviewer and I started by talking about our favorite Thanksgiving foods and the interview went well. An offer arrived the following week.
2. Throughout my career, I have found that when I’ve rushed in and gotten straight to the point withpeople that weren’t on the same page as me, results haven’t always been as good as I would like.  When I have taken the time to start the conversation on a personal note, and built that personal connection, meetings have been more successful.  

When we meet someone or talk to someone who may have different interests than we have, they don’t always come to the table disposed to trust what we have to say.  In fact, their inclination is probably not to trust us.  Effective small talk establishes that personal connection that tells our brains that the person that we’re talking to is a friend rather than a foe.  Once we believe that we’re talking to someone with whom we have a connection, we’re more receptive to what they have to say.

As an introvert, small talk didn’t come easily to me.  Here are some suggestions:

• If you know something about the person you’re meeting, you might ask about recent news relating to that interest or hobby.  If you don’t know the person, checking out their profile on LinkedIn can be a way of seeing what you might have in common.
• Clothing can sometimes be a good place to start.  Asking about a piece of jewelry or an accessory that your counterpart may be wearing could get things started.  Former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright wore interesting brooches in part as conversation starters.
• Of course, there is always the weather, their weekend or plans for the upcoming holiday, but a good conversation starter is an open ended question that requires more than a yes or no response.  Open ended questions start with how or why.

For some of us conversations with people that we don’t know well require effort, but the results are worth the investment.  In addition, we get to know others better which is good for everyone.

QUESTION: How do you get the conversation started?

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Leadership/Career Coach Kris Ishibashi works with leaders to bring together their skills, their authentic selves, and their intentions to inspire their organizations to superior performance. Click here to set up a complimentary consultation.  

Why Emotional Self Awareness is Critical for Leaders

Self control is a key leadership competency - after all how can you expect people to follow you if you act on or voice any random thought that pops into your head? If you are one of those people who pride themselves on thinking before you act, you may wonder why you need emotional self awareness. 

Have you ever been in an extremely stressful situation and found yourself acting or saying things out of character, and then wondering what happened? Have you ever found that someone pushed your buttons and you went to a place that you almost never go, and you ended up saying something that you regret? Have your staff or others complained about your behavior ? Or have you shut down in a meeting, sunk into your chair, and said nothing when action was called for?

I was raised with the Japanese concept “Gaman” which meant that you endure stresses without complaint and push through, regardless of how you feel. I grew up to be very reserved and out of touch with my emotions.  Over time, I realized that some of the situations that I mentioned above were happening to me and analyzed what was happening.

I might have avoided these situations had I been emotionally self aware. None of us would dream of driving after a snowstorm without checking to see what the road conditions are. Why would we interact with others in emotionally charged situations without knowing what's going on inside us? 

Now when I am meeting with a person or people who I know tend to push my buttons, I prepare myself mentally to be calm and not to allow them to get under my skin.  Sometimes dressing more formally helps me to remember how I need to comport myself. When I prepare, I find that I am able to keep my emotions under control and be the leader that I want to be.

Of course, many emotionally charged situations cannot be predicted and prepared for. In those situations it is important to recognize the rising emotional charge in yourself, acknowledge it, and act to neutralize it before it spirals out of control.

Emotional self awareness is not difficult to cultivate, but for those of us who are not used to thinking about our emotions, it feels a little strange. Take a few minutes every morning to center yourself and take inventory about how you are feeling emotionally, and acknowledge it. By starting to think consciously about your emotions at least once every day, you will begin to cultivate the practice of monitoring them, and eventually you will get to the place when you are aware of your emotions in the moment. I have found that it works for me. Is it perfect yet? No, but it is a work in progress, and I am moving in the right direction.

QUESTION: What practices do you use to be aware of your emotions?

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Leadership/Career Coach Kris Ishibashi works with leaders to bring together their skills, their authentic selves, and their intentions to inspire their organizations to superior performance. Click here to set up a complimentary consultation.